


Don't open your heart

by sweetkisses



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Angst, Asexual Character, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Hurt Jensen, M/M, Sex Addict Chris, Sex Addict Jared, Sex Addiction, Sex Anonymous, alternative universe, asexual jensen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-23
Updated: 2017-03-23
Packaged: 2018-10-09 15:50:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10415592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweetkisses/pseuds/sweetkisses
Summary: Jensen has been hurt way too many times but that doesn't stop him from falling in love with Jared, who he has no doubt will hurt him the worst.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I'm back with more asexual fics lol. This fic took me while because it was hard to write some parts because I had writers block every fucking day. It's an odd concept but I hope that love can over roll everything. 
> 
> If you don't know what asexual is it is a sexuality when people don't feel sexual attraction towards others. There are different forms of it and if you're interested or just wanna know more you can go to http://www.asexuality.org. 
> 
> I wrote this on my phone and edited it on my phone so hit me up if there are mistakes. Also I apologize if there are, I'm not perfect you know. 
> 
> If you wanna contact me all my information with be in the end notes. Don't be afraid to talk to me, I'm lonely and bored so if you want a new friend you know where I am :) 
> 
> I don't own these characters. Jared and Jensen are not together they're happily married with kids. And Gen better fucking have the padababy because I'm anxious Af. 
> 
> Okay. I think that's everything. Enjoy!

"Jensen!" He sighs as he hears his name called yet again. The man -Jensen- ignores his coworker and snaps his briefcase shut; it holds all the homework he has to do for his clients. Of course the homework can wait because he has a date tonight. Yes, exciting isn't it? But the date is in an hour and a half, and it takes him forty five minutes to get home. Of course he just wants to get out of work but his coworker is keeping him back. Well, not if he can just sneak outside before she-

"Jensen, listen-," alas, no luck. Jensen sighs again, very obnoxiously so she can hear it as he stops behind him. He turns slowly and raises an eyebrow at her in question. It's Danneel. She's a lovely and beautiful lady with her vibrate red hair and pretty face. Usually Jensen would be all about talking to her- she is his closed coworker and one of his best friends- but he doesn't have time, he already late.

"D, I don't have time to talk. Remember, I got that date..." he trials off and waves his hand to emphasize his lack of time.

"Don't worry I didn't forget. I'll make this fast, I need you to come in ten minutes early on Monday because the client your supposed to meet with is a real bitch. But if you're early and ready for her she'll be nicer. I had her last year and boy, I will never schedule a vacation for her ever again. She actually said to me that-."

"Ten minutes early. 7:50. I will be here and ready for the client," he starts to walk away, "sorry Danneel! I really gotta go!" He shouts back to her, other coworkers glaring at how they're disrupted by him.

"Yeah, whatever! Good luck!" She calls and he smiles at that. Quickly, Jensen gets into his lame car and starts his journey home. His outfit for the date is already laid on onto his bed after being chosen with the help -not much help- of his roommate.

Tonight Jensen is going out with a man he met at the local grocery store. It was odd but the man -Misha- asked him about the difference in a cereal brand. Next thing Jensen knew he was laughing so hard there was a few loose tears running down his cheeks. And soon enough he was agreeing to a date with Misha. Which is tonight and oh- he's going to be even later if he doesn't rush.

Quickly, Jensen slips into his new outfit and rushes out the door- ignoring a shout from his roommate wishing him good luck. Which Jensen needs, _desperately_ , it has been so long since he's gone on a date.

There are a few reasons for this:

  1. Jensen spends more time at work and with his roommate than anywhere else.  
2\. Jensen Ross Ackles is asexual.



It's mostly the second reason that Jensen doesn't go on dates. He's been declined and hurt way too many times because of his sexuality. People flirt with him and ask him out because they think he's handsome -which let’s be honest he fucking is. They expect him to " _put out_ " and " _be the best fuck of my life_ " as one person once put it. Then when he doesn't live up to their needs they say other things such as " _fucking freak_ " or " _asexuality isn't real_ " or " _you just haven't been fucked by me yet_ " the list goes on and on.

It's highly annoying but mostly hurtful to Jensen. Which is why he doesn't really go out often unless it's someone he knows isn't just going to want to fuck. When he does he usually tries to tell his date he's asexual right away so that he doesn't get attached. Because once a he's attached his heart will break.

Basically, Jensen is always cautious when dating.

"Hey, Jensen." The green eyed man hears when he stumbles into the restaurant Misha told him to meet him at. Smiling he makes his way over to the booth and hugs the man. Misha is about the same height as Jensen with stunning blue eyes and dark black hair. He has some stubble on his chin and so does Jensen. They're very similar.

"I am so sorry I'm late," by 15 minutes to be exact, "I was caught up at work with a client. I'm a travel agent, help people pick and plan their vacations." He smiles and slides into the booth, looking down at the menu.

"Its fine don't worry. I got us some drinks before you came." Misha smiles at him.

"Oh, perfect!" Jensen sips him because suddenly his mouth is dry. He's nervous, not really sure what to be doing right now.

"What's it like being a travel agent?" Misha asks, leaning forward in interest.

"Oh, it's fun. There are so many cool places to travel that people don't even know. That's when I come in and I show them these beautiful places that most people didn't even know existed." Jensen smiles nervously. His hands are sweaty and he wipes him on his jeans under the table as the waitress comes over to take their order. She's nice with blonde hair tied up in a loose pony with no makeup on. They order quickly and she leaves with a smile.

"What do you do?" Jensen asks, drinking more water and looks over at the older man.

"I'm an owner of a few pizza places. It's called MC's pizza, not sure if you heard of it?" Jensen shakes his head. "It's funny because I'm actually Russian but my long lost cousin moved to America and started a pizza shop. I somehow ended up with it." Misha chuckles and Jensen smiles along.

"Where is your closest store?"

"It’s on Third Street." Misha confirms.

"I think I might have actually ordered from you a few times. My roommate, Chris, eats pizza at least twice a week." Jensen laughs. His roommate and best friend, Chris Kane, met in college in a biology class where Chris kept making jokes about DNA and Jensen was the only one to laugh along. After college they got an apartment together in Austin and the rest is history I guess.

"Well, tell him thank you for supporting my stores and paycheck." Misha jokes.

The rest of the date goes swell. They get their food and talk more about each other and themselves. Misha makes Jensen laugh hard and his face hurts so bad from smiling at the end of the night. They stumble out of the restaurant happy and laughing. Jensen has a huge crush on Misha, his sense of humor makes him throw his head back each time and he listens to everything Jensen says. Now it's time for goodbyes and Jensen to admit something.

"This was so fun, don't think I laughed so hard." Jensen smiles as they reach the restaurant parking lot.

"Yeah, listen Jensen I really like you and I wanna do this again." Misha tells him, eyes shining as bright as Jensen feels inside.

"I'm free any night after five." Jensen breathes out, stepping closer to Misha who steps closer as well. They both look into each other's eyes, then lips and finally they meet. Their mouths are rough against each other and the kiss is full of a tiny little sparkler show. Jensen smiles into the kiss at this thought. He slips his arms behind Misha's neck while the other man slips his own hands onto Jensen's lower back. Everything is great, he feels warm in Misha's embrace, their lips dance together perfectly; honestly Jensen hasn't had such a good date in so long it's the best feeli-.

"Wanna go back to my place?" Misha mumbles into Jensen's mouth. Glass shatters in Jensen's mind as he pulls back and steps away from Misha; both their arms falling loosely to their own sides.

"I should probably tell you something," Jensen sighs out, he places an arm behind his back and crosses his middle finger over his right finger. He wants this to work out- so bad.

"What is it? You got AIDs or something?" Misha chuckles.

"No," Misha looks at Jensen's serious stone and tilts his head with his eyes squinting, "I'm telling you this now because I really like you and I don't wanna continue this relationship if you're not going to agree with me." Jensen takes a deep breathe.

"You don't support Trump do you? Because that a deal breaker." Misha says- fully serious yet Jensen smiles shyly at him.

"No, I'm not. Actually, I'm asexual which means that I don't like sex and-."

"This is a joke right?" Jensen freezes, here it comes all the hate and bullying. "That's not a real thing? I thought that asexual is just what dumb teenager girls tell themselves when people won't fuck them."

"No." Jensen feels anger well up inside him. "It’s not- actually I'm not even going to explain myself to you. Have a nice day Misha. Don't call me." He glares at Misha for a split second before getting into his car and driving away. He doesn't miss Misha's hurt face. Jensen presses down on the gas harder, needing to get away now.

Of course this would have happened. Why did he expect any less? There's only been about two people who said it was okay but they both thought that he was going to put out eventually. And of course when he didn't they left and took some of Jensen's love with him. He's even tried dating other asexual people that he's met online but those ended just as fast as they started. It's not just his sexuality- it's his personality too apparently.

Jensen wipes away angry tears as he pulls into his apartment parking space. He doesn't move, just sits in the car and thinks about how he's crying from just one day of knowing someone. Maybe it wasn't Misha, maybe that's not why he's crying. Maybe it's all the dick bags he tried dating that's finally getting to him. Maybe he's breaking.

A tap on his window makes him jump and wipe his eyes quickly. He looks over at who interrupted his pity session. It's Chris -his roommate- his black hair hanging in his face with a small smirk on his face. To most people it would be intimidating or a cocky look but Jensen has known Chris long enough to know that it's just a permanent look on his face. Jensen rolls the window down and smiles at Chris, trying to hide his pain but the look saddens in his best friends eyes say that he already knows.

"I've said it before and I'll say it again. He didn't deserve you." Chris crouches down and rests his chin on the bottom of the window. "And if he doesn't love everything about you than he wasn't worth it."

"I'm getting sick of hearing that." Jensen chuckles and looks away from Chris. "Why am I crying Chris?" He whispers. Chris looks up at the night sky and lets out a breath and watches it disappear into fall air.

"Let's go inside, it's chilly out here." Jensen nods and slips out of the car. Chris slings an arm around his shoulder and leads them up to their apartment. They settle onto the couch as Chris turn on the TV for background sound. Jensen has stopped crying and stares through the news that's flashing across the screen.

"You just can't give up hope Jensen. I know it tears your apart every time this happens but if you give up then you'll never find the one." Chris is looking at Jensen with the same smirk and it makes him smile back. His best friend is so important to him.

"I know." Jensen admits and looks down at his hands. "How was your meeting?" Chris sighs, knowing Jensen doesn't want to talk anymore and wants a subject change. He plays along.

"It was okay- I'm a few weeks in and two weeks clean but I think I got it this time." Oh, I should probably explain. Chris goes to sex anonymous meetings every Thursday from 8pm to 9pm. It all started in college when Chris would legit fuck anything and anyone that moves at him. It started effect his grades and his clubs. Eventually, Jensen locked him in his room for two weeks and made him do all of his homework and forbid him from having sex. It's weird -I know- a sex addict and an asexual being best friends. They're complete opposites yet exactly the same in all other aspects of their personalities.

Anyways, after college when Chris got a job at the most amazing firm and it was his perfect dream job. But one day he fucked it all up because he was caught having sex with one of the interns in the copy room. After that Jensen sat him down and told him about a sexaholics meetings at the local rec center. With a lot of persuasion Chris finally went and thanks to that he realized he fucked up. Now he wants to change and since he's been more in control he's able to do so much more.

"There's this new kid this week. He's 22 and his name is Jared-."

"Isn't it sex addictions _anonymous_?" Jensen jokes, a small smile of his face as he hides the previous pain.

"It is but you asked how it's going so I'm telling." Jensen nods in agreement, leaning back and listing to Chris' story to avoid his own problems. "His names Jared and he's _huge_ , I think maybe 6 and a half or something. Anyways, he was forced to come because his older brother caught him fucking his ex-wife. So there is all this tension between the family now and they all had an intervention and forced Jared to the meetings."

"He fucked his older brother’s wife?!"

"It was an ex-wife but like two days ex." Chris explains. "Anyways, I talked to him after the meeting and he told me this crazy story of him in college. So in high school he had this super sexy teacher and his first week of college; Jared went back to the high school and fucked the teacher! He said that a student walked in on them but didn't say anything."

"That's so gross." Jensen chuckles and Chris just nods along.

"I mean, I know I'm bad but Jared doesn't even realize how bad he is."

"Sounds like he's got a lot of work to do." Jensen tells Chris who nods along and starts to tell a story about the hot chick in the meetings who he swears is giving him some signals. Jensen doubts it but he listens anyways to get his mind off his troubles.

*

"I made dinner!" Chris shouts as soon as Jensen walks into the apartment. He slips out of his coat and shoes and makes his way to the kitchen. At the table is two plates of mashed potatoes and some delicious looking turkey. It's all very suspicious.

"What do you need from me that caused you to make dinner?" Jensen walks to his room throwing his briefcase and tie into the room; leaving him with dress pants and a button up on.

"Nothing, just wanted to make some dinner for my favorite roommate and my best friend." Jensen raises an eyebrow and sits down at the table and Chris follows suit.

"Surrrreee." He drags it out. "We have lived here for five years and you have probably made food about 30 times and 20 of those times have been takeout and delivery." Jensen digs into the potatoes and moans to himself.

"That's only a little bit true," he glares at Chris again, "okay. My car broke down and it's in the shop and I need you to drive me to sex anon tonight." He looks up at Jensen and makes his best pouty puppy face -it sucks but Jensen is a good friend.

"Fine." Jensen says and rolls his eyes. "When do we need to leave?"

"7:30." He mumbles with his mouth full of food. Jensen takes a bite and honestly wishes that Chris could cook more because he's amazing. He secretly hopes that one day Chris will step up and cook more. He knows that he won't, God Chris won't do shit. Sorry. Getting off track.

After dinner Jensen gets some work done before 7:30 and then Chris is all but dragging him out the door. Chris blabs on about the other people in his meetings; the leader, Claire who is a huge softy but yet somehow still a hard ass. Chris is secretly terrified of her.

"Pull up right here." Chris points towards the front of the building when they pull up at 7:50.

"Have fun! Learn something!" Jensen shouts after him and Chris flips him off. He drives away and finds himself at the library that's next door. He's not going to drive home and then have to come back to get Chris. So he brought some work with him and gets to finishing it.

It's been a week since his failure of a date with Misha and Jensen isn't doing too well. Maybe it's because he's finally hit his breaking point, one too many people turning him down because of his sexuality has driven him off the edge. So he's surrounded himself in his work and has even taken on two more clients so that he has no excuse but to work. Chris has noticed, that boy watches Jensen like a hawk sometimes.

He told Jensen probably 100 times since college that Jensen can't give up hope but not everyone is going to be perfect. Jensen is sick of hearing it. He's sick of hearing how he just needs to keep looking and having hope. Well hope decided to smash after his 101 fail of a relationship. He wasn't even attached to Misha -I mean he was funny and nice- and his whole plan is to tell them the first date so that he doesn't get hurt. Yet here he is. Drowning himself in work and ignoring the empty beat of his heart from his chest.

He's giving up, there's no other choice. He can either keep going and keep trying and keep ending up hurt and crushed and broken or he can avoid all that and just give up. Jensen shakes his mind and tries to focus on his work. But nothing hurts worse than the fact that Jensen has been broken so many times that he's choosing to give up.

Sighing Jensen puts all of his work back into his briefcase -he's not getting work done with his mind running so fast. Slowly the man leaves the library and walks slowly back over to the recreation center. He sits on the steps with his briefcase on the one below him. He lets his mind continue its annoying thinking.

Maybe he should go inside with Chris and listen to the sex addicts in there. Not his brightest idea. He knows Chris, he's lived with him for years, and he knows all the sex addict stories. Chris lost his job over sex, some of his friends, maybe people he actually liked. When Chris was at his lowest point Jensen walked in on him having an orgy. After that day Jensen yelled and screamed about how Chris is ruining his life and that sex isn't always the answer. Jensen told him to go to a therapist or something and Chris just fought back but it was later that week that he lost his dream job. So, he listened to Jensen and found himself at sex addicts.

Jensen wishes there was a place that he could go. He's tried other asexual meetings once but it just made him sadder. Most of the people in there had the same experiences that he had but there were a few who were happy and in a relationship. It all hurt Jensen, the fact that so many can't find happiness like himself but also that some could but Jensen wasn't one of them.

He sighs and stares at the rec center parking lot for the rest of the hour. When 9 o'clock hits a few people start filing out of the center and Jensen grabs his briefcase and stands up to get out of their way. He stands at the bottom of the staircase and leans on the wall next to it, playing with his case's flap.

"Hey, you Jensen?" A voice asks. Jensen looks up to see a man walking down the steps towards him. He's tall and built with long brown hair and an inviting smile on his face.

"That's me." Jensen smiles back. Tall man moves down until he's level with Jensen- or at least on the ground because he's still a few inches taller. He's even more handsome close up, he's got a bit of a beard growing and it works beautifully with his hair. His chest pushes out and Jensen doesn't know if it's for show or because he's just that big. It's dark out but the street lights let Jensen know that this man has light hazel eyes and a set of bright white teeth.

"I'm Jared," he sticks his hand out and Jensen shakes it sternly, "I'm from Chris' meetings-"

"Yeah I know. He's told me about you." He smiles at Jared whose smile hasn't left his face. This man is too innocent looking to be a sex addict.

"That's odd, this place is anonymous."

"That's what I said!" Jensen nearly shouts but covers his hand with his mouth to quiet himself. "Sorry," he chuckles but Jared waved off the apology.

"Chris is talking to Claire and told me to tell you to wait." He licks his lips and obviously checks Jensen out, looking the man up and down. "Briefcase? Are you a lawyer?" Jensen rolls his eyes.

"No, but everyone always thinks that. I'm a travel agent, I help people pick and plan their vacations for a reasonable price." He frowns at Jared who is staring at Jensen's body still, "eyes up here, boy." He barks and Jared looks up with raised eyebrows.

"I'm sorry, you're such a stunning man. With your fit body and perfect face. Do you work out?"

"Not recently," Jensen scuffs and blushes lightly.

"Really?" Jared's eyebrows are still raised and that smile is still on his face but Jensen is beginning to think it looks more like the Cheshire's cat smile- Almost like a cocky smirk. "I'm a trainer, I could teach you a few things. Not that you need it though." And now he winks, Jensen rolls his eyes again.

"Is that what you do? You're a trainer?" Jensen ignores Jared's attempts.

"Right now yes, I been looking for a more _stable_ job." Jared moves forward until their toes are touching, Jensen takes a step back and glares.

"Maybe if you got your sex addiction under control than you would have a more suitable job for yourself." Jared's smirk falls of his face as he takes two steps back. Jensen watches as he adverts his eyes and rubs the back of his neck while mouthing something to himself. He's fascinating.

"Right. Sorry." Jared blurts out and looks at Jensen. "It's only my second week here even though that's not an excuse. Sometimes I forget that I'm trying to get better and barley notice I'm fucking up until someone tells me." He smiles shyly at Jensen -it's a smile not a smirk; confirmed.

"That's all okay, Chris was the same way when he first started. Brought home a girl that first night of his meeting because he was scared." Jensen spots Chris coming out of the center. "I don't know a lot about being a sex addict but I wish you luck." He nods at Jared and turns around to walk to his car. Chris catches up quickly.

"I see you met Jared," Chris states and Jensen nods. "Cool guy, right?" _Eh_ Jensen thinks. If it wasn't the whole sex addiction and breaking up his family than he might be cool.

"He seems alright, we didn't get to talk much."

*

Jensen cuts back on his work. Actually, he's forced to cut back on his work. It's the off season, November, and there's not that many vacations being scheduled right now. So, he only has five clients this week which means he's perfectly able to watch the basketball game with Chris. Oh and with Jared who Chris decided to invite after this week’s meeting. Jared seems nicer and less flirty today but that didn't stop Jensen from sitting on the side chair and farthest seat away from Jared and his large body that makes the couch look tiny.

"I'm gonna get out some more dip and grab a beer." Chris announces before leaving the room and heading into the kitchen.

"So Jared, how's your trainer job been?" Jensen asks, making small talk. He's a master at it, does it at his job all the time.

"It's good. I'm still looking for something else. I have a degree in accounting and now that I'm getting my life back on track I'm hoping I can get hired and keep my job this time." He laughs dryly and sips his beer. Jensen nods at him.

"That's very positive thinking. I take it week three for you has lead you into a new direction?" Jensen says, a little too formally.

"I mean," Jared blinks at him, "yeah it has. Feels kinda good knowing that I might actually get a salary job. Plus I love accounting; I was a huge math genius in high school and college."

"Same here!" Jensen leans forward in his chair, "I loved math it's always been my best subject and with being a travel agent I have to add up the cost of each trip and put discounts on it etc." he chuckles and Jared laughs along too, both of them are math nerds. Of course.

"Did you take accounting?" Jared leans towards Jensen.

"Yes, no offense to you but it was a bit too boring for me."

"No!" Jared laughs, "not you too! The only people you don't think it's boring are other accountants. Whatever, if you need help balancing a checkbook, don't come crawling to me." He pouts and makes a puppy dog face at Jensen. It's a million times better than Chris' and it really works- inner Jensen coos.

"I won't need you because I can do that myself." Jensen nods and ignores the big hazel puppy dog eyes Jared is giving him. He wonders if Jared is doing it on purpose or is it just instinct.

"Suit yourself then." Jared smiles and then quickly his face is serious. "Yeah, but I'm glad that my family forced me to go to those meetings because nothing sucks worse than trying to find happiness and having something so small hold you back." Jared sighs with a smile.

"I agree. It sucks." Jensen says sadly. Jared opens his mouth to talk but Chris enters back in before he can get anything out. Jensen wonders if he was going to ask him if he was a sex addict at one point. That thought makes Jensen chuckles quietly to himself; he receives a weird look from Chris.

*

Of course Jensen has a _tiny_ crush on Jared and it all becomes noticeable on Thursday. Chris' car is still in the shop because it's a piece of shit so Jared is kind enough to come pick Chris up for their meeting. Of course he shows up at 6pm which is usually the time Jensen finally gets home from work. He's had a long day at work but when he slips through their apartment door to see Jared sitting at the kitchen table Jensen smiles big at him. It's kind of a crush or maybe it's just a friendship. Yes. Let's say friendship it's safer.

"-then I broke my left leg and Miss. Johnson looked at me with her demon eyes and just pointed to the cabin." Jared finishes his story of his senior ski trip where he didn't know how to ski and ended up very hurt. Jensen laughs at him, flinging his head back. He's sitting at the table with Jared while Chris is showering. They've been telling embarrassing stories and Jensen can't stop laughing.

Humor: the way to Jensen Ackles' heart.

"I take it you haven't gone skiing since?" He asks Jared who shakes his head back.

"No way, but if you know how to ski I'll gladly accept some lessons." Jared makes Jensen blush slightly.

"No way anyone can teach you and your daddy long legs, plus I've never been skiing in my life." He smiles back.

"Wow, there's a hella a lot of gay out here." Chris groans as he shuffles into the kitchen with wet hair and fresh clothes on.

"Oh, fuck off Chris." Jared says but keeps eye contact with Jensen who is smiling at them both.

"Chris you're bisexual so now with you out here there's even gayer." Jensen jokes and earns a chuckle from Jared. _Nice_. Chris face looks blank to Jared but Jensen knows that look. He swallows as he looks at the mother Chris look on his face. His eyebrows are almost touching as he scrunches up his face and stares at Jensen.

"Yeah, yeah. Go warm up the car, Jared?" He asks, not taking his eyes off of a scared Jensen. He knows what's coming, Chris is pissed. The tall man sighs but slips out of the apartment with a goodbye to Jensen.

"Chris-,"

"Are you crazy?" Chris hisses at Jensen who bows his head in shame, "You're the smartest man I know Jensen, so stop being dumb and see what you're doing. You met him at my _sex addiction_ and now you’re flirting with him-"

"Wait-," Jensen tries.

"-no. I know your blushy flirts that you do, okay? He's in this mess because he broke up his family because of sex the one thing you don't do. So just, do us both a favor and stop before you get ahead. I love you Jensen and if you get hurt by him I won't feel sorry." Chris doesn't wait for a response before stomping out the door.

"Chris is right. What am I doing? Flirting with Jared, someone with a sex addiction. A sexaholic! Sex! The one thing that makes it breaks me in life." Jensen is pacing the kitchen as he thinks out loud. The hatred for himself grows as he sees the mistakes he's made with Jared. They can be friends but nothing more. Jensen cried over his last date, one day with the guy, because he's sick of getting hurt. If Jensen tried to date Jared he'll be even more hurt- no he won't allow that to happen. He won't allow himself to fall and not have someone catch him. Jensen is tired of hitting the ground each time.

"New plan: focus on yourself and no one else." Jensen stomps his foot down and nods his head at his new idea. No more flirting, just friends, no crushes, just friends. That's it, that's all.

When Jensen sits on the couch and turns the TV on he feels a bit of pain about his new plan.

*

"I've been searching but there's not a lot of " _congrats on your 30 days Sexaholics chip_ " banners out there." Jensen jokes to Danneel who is leaning over his cubicle. Chris is getting his one month chip of sex sobriety tonight and Jensen is throwing a small party for him. With Jared's help- I know, I know but Jensen needed someone to invite Chris' friends from the meeting. He also kind of hopes that this party will help them see how nice it can be to be sex sober.

"So what did you get him then?"

"Just a congrats banner and then I printed out computer paper and put " _on your sex sobriety_ "" Jensen leans back in his computer chair.

"Can I come? Chris and I are semi friends right?" Danneel asks and Jensen nods.

"I thought it was an invite when I asked you to help me set up for the party?"

"Oh! Well in that case, I think we should leave work now-"

"It's noon." Jensen deadpans.

"-yes but it takes a lot of work to set up for a good party plus I gotta stop back at my house and get changed. So, I'll meet you at your place in an hour." She doesn't wait for an answer before winking and walking away. Jensen rolls his eyes at her and slowly begins to pack up his stuff. This party is going to be a blast

\--

"Thank god this isn't an alcoholic sobriety party." Jensen laughs at Jared's joke. They are both watching Chris who is completely wasted and sloshing beer all down himself and on the coffee table where he is gyrating into the air. A few people stand around him and cheer him on but everyone else is dancing and talking with each other.

"He deserves it. I'm really proud of him. I know it's only been a month but if I didn't give him this party then he would bitch until I was lowered into my grave." Jensen sips at his drink and looks out of the corner of his eye to an equally tipsy Jared.

"I think I would prefer to be cremated. It's less..." he raises his hand and rubs his thumb and pointer finger together in concentration, "less decaying."

"And less dirt." Jensen agrees.

"Girth?" Jared turns to Jensen.

"I said dirt, dumbass." Jensen chuckles and laughs behind another sip of beer.

"Oh," Jared chuckles too, "I was really confused there for a second. I thought-."

"Hey boys," Danneel struts over in a beautiful dark blue dress and her red hair in a nice up-do.

"Hey D,"

"Are you going to introduce me?" She asks, nodding and staring at a handsome Jared. Jensen bites his lip, he doesn't like the way she's ogling him.

"This is Jared. He's a fellow member of Chris' _meetings_." He almost hisses at her so that she gets the hint.

"Hey," he reaches out and shakes her free hand -the other holding a mixed drink- "you work with Jensen right?"

"Oh! So he does talk about me?" She smirks at Jensen.

"More like I complain." Jensen jokes and Jared is the only one to laugh.  
  
"Don't laugh at his lame jokes, it edges him on." Danneel smiles, she's lost all sense of flirting with Jared.

"He does get cocky when he makes people laugh." Jared agrees with humor in his eyes and a smirk on his face.

"It's annoying-,"

"I'm standing right here!" Jensen shouts over them with a smile on his face.

"Once he-,"

"JENNYYYYY!" Jensen's eyes roll on instinct as he feels Chris' arm circle over his shoulder and a very wet kiss slop onto his cheek.

"I can see that you're having fun-"

"Jenny 'm having sooooo much fun!" He shouts into Jensen's ear. Jared is watching them with curious eyes and Danneel is giggling at Chris behind her hands. Everyone else at the party seems preoccupied.

"Jenny?" Jared asks, eyebrows raised and humor present on his face.

"Don't-" Jensen starts. Chris calls him this every time he's drunk. Ever since college, it's annoying and he hates it. Makes him feel like a girl.

"This is Jenny, Jared! You know him! You have a crush on him remember!?" All the humor drops off Jared's face and his eyes go wide. "He won't date you though because Jenny here is-."

"Do you want another drink, Chrisy?" Jensen nearly shouts, a bead of sweet beginning to form from where Chris almost drunkly fucked up.

"Chrisy would love one!" Chris winks at Danneel and Jared before dragging Jensen over to more beer. He let’s go of Jensen and then spots his friend Chad who he stumbles over to quickly. Jensen just chuckles and walks back over to Jared and Danneel who just winks at him and walks away.

"Sorry about him, when he's drunk he's a little wild." Jared just nods at Jensen's comment. There's obvious tension in the air. "Listen, Jared its okay if you have a crush on me," he pauses.

"There's a but in there somewhere." Jared smiles but his eyes are sad.

"I don't date anymore. I've been hurt a lot and-," Chris said I was forbidden to date you- nope, no can't say that. "-I'm sorry." Jensen really fucking wants to walk away before this gets worse.

"I could be different, I won't hurt you." Jensen has heard that line before and those people always hurt him the worst. "But I can tell from your face that you've heard that line. I know you don't want to date right now but maybe one day in the future?" The shorter man just shakes his head but Jared's face is still full of hope.

"Focus on your sobriety Jared." Jensen says softly and walks away. He has a hard feeling in his chest and maybe because Jared has a mutual crush on him or maybe because Jensen just denied Jared the same way that Jensen has been denied so many times himself.

He doesn't see Jared for the rest of the party.

*

"You sure you don't want to come? We are just gonna watch a game and drink." Chris asks Jensen for about the millionth time in the last week.

"I have work to do." Jensen says from where he is lounging in his pjs pants at 5pm on their couch.

"Do you really? Because I looks like you're homeless and don't have a job." Chris gestures to Jensen's stained shirt.

"I like this shirt," Jensen looks down and Chris just hums at him. "Besides Jared asked me out and I don't want to lead him on. It was you that told me to stay away and not date him so that's exactly what I'm doing."

"You can still come, for support, for friendship. You guys are friends remember?" Jensen shrugs.

"I haven't talked to him since your party where I turned him down." He lazily flips the TV to the food network; cupcake wars.

"Fine, stay here and be a teenage girl. I'm going to the party and I'm going to get drunk and I'm going to call you to pick me up." Chris huffs out before strutting out the door.

"Sounds good." Jensen says to no one.

\--

Jensen keeps his door locked whenever he's in his bedroom. Chris has walked in a million and more times than necessary. There was a couple times where Chris was plastered and he came in Jensen's room and pissed on the ground because he thought it was the bathroom. Once Chris was having a threesome and came into Jensen's room, it wasn't until Jensen kicked Chris that he realized it wasn't his room.

So now Jensen keeps it locked.

It's late, probably around midnight, and Jensen is already in bed watching Jersey Shore reruns on TV. It's a guilty pleasure- sue him. Chris got back from Jared's party about an hour ago and passed out in his bed. Which makes no sense why is doorknob is jiggling.

Jensen sits up and swings his feet off the bed, grabbing a pocket knife from when he was a teenager and slowly stalks towards the door. There are clicking sounds now and the knob stops moving. Jensen freezes with it and watches as the door ever so slowly opens. He's expecting Chris but he's also expecting a murder-robber-rapist to appear. It's neither of those, in fact it's just-

"Jared?!" Jensen whisper shouts, being quiet for Chris next door. "What the fuck? I almost stabbed you!" He hisses and sets his knife down on the bedside table. Jared chuckles and walks into Jensen's room, he's holding a small assortment of sharp looking tools that he shoves into the back pocket of his jeans. God, Jared is smooth and cute and Jensen's crush is growing. _Fuck_.

"What's up?" Jared asks, casually as if they're talking about their favorite book and not the fact that Jared just broke into the Ackles-Kane residence.

"How did you get in here? What are those tools?" Jensen watches as Jared sits on the edge of Jensen's bed and faces the man.

"I broke in," Jared shrugs and Jensen raises his eyebrows in question, "using this handy tool kit I got from an ex," he slaps his hand on his pocket where the tools lay.

"And may I ask why?" Jensen crosses his arms and waits for Jared to speak up. "Aren't you having a party?

"It ended," Jared stands up and runs his hands down his thighs. "I came here because you didn't come to my party."

"Wasn't feeling well." Jensen immediately lies. Jared looks him up and down, taking in Jensen's sweatpants and white t-shirt of his pjs. Jared himself is wearing a dark blue shirt with a grey jacket and jeans.

"Sure." He looks around the room. "Well anyways, I was going to ask you out at the party but Chris came without you and so I had to wait until everyone left so that I come here. So what do you say do you want to go out?" Jared opens his arms and smiles happily- hopefully.

"Jared-," Jensen sighs out.

"No, don't give me that you're a good person but I'm not into you like that. I know that sigh so I'm going to ask again and this time don't sigh." Jared cuts him off, "now, so you want to go out with me? Just a nice dinner, no sex, no drinking; just us and dinner."

"Jared, I told you before that I don't date." Jensen looks away and at the TV blankly watching the screen.

"Just one, one date. That's all I'm asking." He begs, grabbing one of Jensen's hand. The men lock eyes and there's a few beats of silence of green staring into hazel.

"I-I can't." Jensen pulls away and steps back a few paces, "I told you before that I don't wanna get hurt-"

"I won't hurt you-."

"Yes you will! You will and even though you say it and think it now, you will hurt me." Jensen almost shouts, irritated at Jared for not understanding and then irritated at himself for being such a mess in the first place.

"Maybe," Jared says, "maybe you're right and I might hurt you or maybe you’re wrong," he blinks at Jared, "there's only one way to decide."

 _No Jensen_ \- he tell himself. If he does this it will end with sexaholic Jared begging asexual Jensen to have sex. Once they don't it won't end well, Jensen will feel so shitty that he can't find anyone. But maybe Jensen is being too harsh, yes Jared is addicted to sex but he's healing. He's getting better and he has a mutual crush on Jensen. If the tables were turned maybe Jared was scared to ask because he might think Jensen will expect only sex and flirting from him. Maybe they're both scared of what this relationship might make, what it will become. But there is only one way to find out if they're right.

"Okay." Jared smiles and Jensen finds himself returning it.

*

"You're what!?" Chris basically yells at Jensen. He just told him that he's going on a date with Jared- in approximately four minutes until Jared is supposed to show up- and Chris is not too happy.

"Listen, he just kept begging me and telling me all these good points on why I should date him-."

"I can give you two good points on why you shouldn't date him! One you're asexual and two he's _very_ sexual. Jensen we talked about this! It's not going to end well, there is a 100 percent chance he will hurt you!" Jensen rolls his eyes at him.

"Chris I know you're being my mom right now but I can handle myself-"

"No! I'm being the only smart person in this room! Jared is nice, I like him but fuck he destroyed his relationship with his family because he couldn't keep his dick in his pants! What’s gonna happen when you tell him that you don't like sex; _at all_!" Chris waves his arms and shouts at his friend.

"So were you Chris! You lost your dream job because of your dick! Now look at you! You got a new job and it's great and your sex addiction hasn't gotten in the way once! Why can't Jared be the same?" Jensen is shouting back, annoyed that Chris is right he'll be hurt in the end but it's good to know that Chris is still his best friend and still cares.

"You're not listening-," there's a knock on the door- no doubt it's Jared. Chris lowers his voice and pulls Jensen into a hug. "I love you, you're my best friend but just be careful."

"Thank you, Chris. Love you too." He starts to make his way towards the door. Chris smiles sadly at him and Jensen wonders if Chris will hold him and let him cry once Jared breaks him.

God, what is he getting into?

"Hey," Jared smiles once Jensen opens the door, Chris walks away into his bedroom. Jared is wearing a nice button down with dark jeans and a vest.

"You look nice," Jensen says, looking him up and down as Jared does the same. Jensen, himself is wearing tight tan jeans with a Texas shirt.

"You look hot." Jared smirks and puts out his hand which Jensen takes with a roll of his eyes. Jared's hand is slightly bigger than his and very warm. He kind of really fucking likes holding his hand.

"So where are you taking me? It's just us and dinner remember." Jensen tells him as Jared leads him towards his beat up old car. They slip into it nicely and pull away.

"Nothing fancy, just this burger joint. I love burgers and so do you, probably." Jared shrugs and Jensen chuckles at him.

"I do love burgers, who fucking doesn't."

"Weirdos," Jensen laughs along.

They end up at a simple burger place just like how Jared said. The date- it's fucking _amazing_. Jensen laughs so hard and him and Jared just click so fast. They've already clicked, but the romance grows and wow. Jensen hates to say it but he's falling so hard. Jared is perfect with his imperfections. He tells stories about his friends and his childhood, all of which describe Jared perfectly. Jensen does the same, both of them so similar yet so opposite. Neither of them talk about sex or Jared's fuck up and it’s so beautiful. But they do talk about Jared's new job at an accounting firm and while Jensen thinks it's boring he's so happy to see Jared happy.

And maybe Chris was wrong about everything, about Jared's past being a problem but something in Jensen is telling him that Jared and him are going to be just fine. Only time will tell though.

"So, did you have a good time?" Jared asks, hands in his pocket as they walk up the Jensen's apartment complex.

"Eh," Jensen shrugs and Jared rolls his eyes at him.

"You loved it."

"Yeah," Jensen smiles as Jared takes a step closer. He's ready for what's about to come.

"Can I kiss you?" He asks, Jensen nods quickly. Jared's large hand cups his face and slowly their lips meet. Both of their eyes flutter close, they don't move their lips for a few seconds due to the sparks coursing through them. But once they do move their lips, Jensen raises his arms and hook them behind Jared's neck to deepen the kiss-.

"Sorry." Jared breaths out, breaking the kiss and stepping away. He has a nervous look on his face and for the first time tonight Jensen is truly scared that this relationship won't work. Maybe he should tell him he's asexual now, get it out of the way, but then again it's too late. They're already both attached. Plus he'll probably just scare Jared off, no it's going to wait a bit longer; until they're more committed. Yeah, maybe Jared won't reject him then.

"It's okay," Jensen half smiles and Jared returns it. "Tonight was amazing, we should do it again? This weekend?" He asks with hope and ignores the fear inside him.

"Yeah, yeah!" Jared's smile widens. "I'll call you, or text you later this week and we can decide." He smiles and the other man nods happily. Jared goes in for one last quick peck on Jensen's lips before waving and scurrying away into his car. Jensen isn't sure what's going to happen with them but he's happy.

For now at least.

*

"Cars is a good movie, Jen." Jared pouts.

"Sure it is." Jensen tells him. They're over Jared's house struggling to find a movie to watch, Jensen is lounging on the couch while 6"4 all long bodied Jared sits Indian style on the floor sorting through his 164 movies he owns. "And don't call me Jen."

"What about Jenny?" Jensen throws the pillow at him but Jared swats it away with a big hand and a loud laugh.

They've been dating for about three weeks now and it's amazing. Jared has meet Jensen's sister when they went to a musical with her and her boyfriend. Then Jensen awkwardly met Jared's brother when he showed up unexpected at Jared's place. There was a lot of tension but most of it was from Jared and not his brother. Jared later told Jensen that he was waiting for his brother to disown Jared from his family. Thankfully though his brother has seen the progress that Jared has been through. Which he has, both him and Chris? Neither of them has had sex and while they jack off a million more times now, they both can proudly say that they haven't craved it in so long.

Jensen kissed Jared so hard when had said that. It gave the smallest bit of hope that Jared will get used to not having sex and not freak out when Jensen finally tells him. Oh yeah, he still hasn't told Jared he's asexual. He'll get to it but it has to be the right time and the right place and Jensen needs to prepare for it. So let's not worry about that and just get back to the present.

"Rocky?"

"Snooze." Jensen smiles at Jared's offended face.

"Rocky is a classic but obviously you don't know good movies." He places that in the no pile before continuing.

"Sorry I don't think that Cars is a good movie," Jensen whispers but not quite enough because Jared shoots him a dead puppy look. Well it's a death look, Jared just always looks like a puppy to Jensen.

"Clueless?"

"No, not in the mood for that." He responds.

"Jurassic Park?" Jensen perks up.

"Yes! Put it in! Right now!" He adjusts his seating so that he's sitting upright and tucks his legs under himself. Ready for the movie that Jared has just taken out of the case.

"That's what she said." Jared chucked, Jensen doesn't laugh nor respond. A spike of fear rushing through him but it quickly disappears when Jared plots down next to him and kisses his cheek. It's soft and warm and a small army of butterflies rushes through Jensen's stomach. God he really fucking likes Jared.

Yeah, things are okay- _no_ things are great

*

"You wanna watch porn?" Jared asks, out of the blue one day. Jensen freezes from where they casually lay on his bed, over the blankets and fully clothed. He's not taking any risks with Jared just yet.

"Um, no." He breathes, "not really my style." He speaks honestly.

"Understandable, I never really get it up when I watch it anymore. It was just something to pass the time." Jared shrugs and picks up a deck of cards off Jensen's messy floor.

"Yeah,"

"Wanna play go fish?" Jared asks and Jensen smiles, ignoring the porn talk and joining in on the game.

It's all okay.

*

  
"I can't believe that you've never seen The Wolf of Wall Street!" Jared is basically shouting with excitement and play anger.

"It's just such a long movie so I never bothered." Jensen smiles. They're at his apartment on the couch. He's sunk and slouched into it while Jared sits on the cushion next to him basically on the edge of the seat.

"Maybe we should watch it. I bet we could find it online somewhere." Jared doesn't hesitate before he rips out his laptop from god knows where and starts googling it.

"That's illegal." Jensen deadpans, "do we only watch movies together?" He asks.

"It's a good excuse for a make out session so yes," Jared answers even though they usually fall asleep before they make out and even when they do it never lasts long. Jared pulls away before he gets hard and makes any regretful decisions while Jensen pulls away before Jared can move forward more.

"Ew, but I hate kissing you." Jensen jokes and Jared stops moving to look dead into his eyes. He doesn't blink just staring. "Stop staring at me."

"Does it bother you, Jen?" Jared asks, tilting his head and moving closer to Jensen -never breaking eye contact. His hazel eyes are frozen yet warm and inviting.

"Yes if fucking does!" Jensen shouts, trying to sound angry through his smile. Jared keeps moving closer and soon enough he has both hands placed on either side of the sofa behind Jensen's head. Then he just stops moving. Jensen is breathing, staring into Jared's non-blinking eyes.

"Hey, Jenny." Jared breaths out, his lips unmoving.

"You're so fucking weird and don't call my Jenny you know not too." Jensen is still smiling. Jared chuckles at him and finally blinks, closing his eyes to lean down and kiss Jensen's plump lips slowly. Jensen is too busy focusing on the kiss to realize that one of Jared's hand has moved off the couch. His long finger slowly move down and find a warm spot to lay on Jensen's thigh.

Jensen freezes his lips and slowly pushes Jared's chest.

"What?" Jared asks, his finger spaced out of Jensen's thigh, his thumb _very_ close to his crotch.

"Are we gonna watch that illegal movie?" Jensen chuckles, acting as if his thigh isn't burning with fear. Jared throws his head back to laugh and rolls away from Jensen to grab his laptop again.

"You're just into me because of my criminal record." Jared says, still laughing.

"Yeah- wait you have a criminal record?!" Jensen shoots up into a more appropriate sitting position.

"Yeah," Jared nods, clicking at the screen. "Nothing major just public indecency and public intoxication, mostly at the same time."

"Have you been to prison?" He asks, eyes wide but Jared just rolls his eyes at him.

"Spent the night in jail and then had a fine to pay. I'm not going to jail for fucking on a bench."

"You fucked on a bench! Outside!" Jensen is laughing even though he shouldn't be. This is a red flag, another mess up from Jared's sex life that slightly scares Jensen but he won't let that bother him.

"Yeah it was 10am and we were wasted so," Jared trails off, a hint of mischief in his eyes as he glances at Jensen who is smiling.

"God, you're such a rebel! You break into my house, spend a night in jail. God should I be worried for my life?" Jared sets the laptop down on the coffee table with the Wolf of Wall Street on the screen.

"Maybe," Jared winks. He jumps at Jensen who screams as Jared begins to tickle him. Jensen shouts and thrashes, his fear and worries far from his mind.

  
*

It's a bit later when Jared and Jensen go out for a walk. It's slightly warm out and honestly it's a good time to tell Jared about his secret. Alas, they're discussing if Green Day is still a good quality band.

"They're out of their prime." Jensen argues back.

"But they're still good-."

"No! They were good back in their prime but now they're only okay."

"But you're saying that they're a good?" Jared teases and Jensen rolls his eyes.

"I'm saying that-"

"Jared?" A high voice interrupts and both Jared and Jensen turn around in the park they're walking through to face a very sweet looking women. She has dark blonde hair and dark brown eyes. She's curvy and very beautiful. Jensen can tell from the way that both Jared and her look each other up and down that this is more than friendship.

"Carly? Hey," he goes in for a hug and her short body fits oddly good against his large one. Jensen just watched.

"It's so crazy it's been like-."

"Since freshman year." He finishes with a small wink. A fluttering starts in Jensen's stomach.

"You look great though, still tall and fit as ever. I see that you let your hair grow out quite a lot. I bet you love when your lovers pull on that." She says all this while she reaches up on her toes and brushes her hand through Jared's hair. The fluttering- now identified as anger- heats up in his stomach. Jared just stares at her and doesn't comment so Jensen decides to step in.

"Hello, I'm Jensen. Jared's _boyfriend_." He says through his teeth and sticks out his hand. Happy when she removes hers from Jared's hair to shake it.

"Oh wow, you're gorgeous. No wonder Jared's fucking you now." He looks away in shame and honestly he fucking hates Carly. "Don't blush honey! All of college knows how good he is." She winks at both of them.

"Actually," Jared starts but is cut off from Carly.

"Don't worry, don't worry. I'll be leaving now for you two to fuck in the park in daylight. We've done it before Jared but I know you're into exhibitionism. Have fun you too!" She shouts at the end, slowly walking away from them and swinging her hips as she goes. Who talks like that? Crazy!

Jensen's face is beat red with embarrassment and shame. Is this it? Is this the moment that Jared leaves him? For her? For Carly?

"God I hate her." He hears Jared say as his large arm circles around his shoulders, "She’s a total bore. Always talking about herself and dumb things like her chipped nail polish. Even during sex-" he stops talking as he takes in the stressed look of Jensen's face. "I’m not that person anymore." He says seriously.

"I know." Jensen whispers, not worried about past Jared but worried about future Jared.

"I'm not addicted anymore, I think I'm a lot better. Plus the fact that you never even mention sex really helps me. Thank you for being an amazing boyfriend. I'm sorry for her." He sounds so sincere and serious. Jensen just nods, thinking about the day when Jared will bring up sex. Thinking about the day they will fall apart.

"Yeah, it's okay." He basically whispers but it's enough for Jared who leans down and kisses his forehead softly. It's also enough for them to not bring up the incident again. Not talk about Jared's past or talk about Jensen's lack of sex talk. It's like they both know two facts but are too chicken to talk about them because the relationship won't last if they do.

Jensen stares at the celling and only gets a few hours of sleep that night.

*

Jensen gets a call at two in the morning one night. It's from Jared. He sighs three times before answering the call.

"Hmm." He croaks out, eyes still closed.

"Jennnnny!" Jared shouts in his much asleep ear. "Babyyyyy!" He continues, clearly and totally drunk.

"Hey Jar." His eyes still closed. "Are you having fun?" He asks, knowing that for a large man Jared gets drunk very easily.

"Sooooo much fun. It would be more fun with you but you-," he hiccups, "-gotta be a lame boyfriend and work tomorrow." Jensen can see his puppy dog pout behind his eyelids.

"Not everyone can get Friday's off Jared. We all can't have a fancy job with great benefits like you." He smiles into the phone as he hears Jared say "shhh Jenny" over and over again as Jensen tries to talk.

"I gots a secret for you, Jenny." He's now whispering into the phone or actually talking normally now that he's not yelling. Tired Jensen isn't too sure.

"What's the secret?" Jensen whispers back and Jared shushes him again.

"I really like you." Jensen's eyes roll behind his lids while his lips form to a smile.

"I really hope so, considering that we are dating." He jokes.

"We are!" He's back to yelling, "Whoa! Jenny this great!" He burps loudly into the phone. So classy. "Now we can cuddle and kiss and-" he stops talking with a gasp.

"Jared?" He rolls over onto his back.

"You like me!" The silence breaks, killing Jensen's eardrum. "We haven't even had sex but you like me and you helped me with all my fucking. You're such a great boyfriend!" A smile is permanently on Jensen's face while Jared drunkenly describes the freckles on Jensen's face. He burns hot with blush, his eyes still closed until he falls asleep to Jared whispering about how nice the color of Jensen's eyes are. Jared falls asleep about five minutes after that when he's telling the story of how the crinkles around Jensen's eyes fell in love with the green pools and never left them.

Maybe it's foreshadowing. Maybe it's not.

*

It's about a week later when Jensen gets another call from Jared. It's about a little after midnight when he's playing on his phone but the game is interrupted by a _Jared_ on the screen.

"Hey, J." Jensen answers the phone with a smile.

"Why haven't we had sex yet?" Is the first thing that Jensen hears float into his ear? There's a long pause of silence where Jensen's brain is turning for an answer, an answer that won't let him loose the man he's falling in love with.

"You're still working on your sobriety." Is all he says, not giving any leeway that Jensen is waiting for Jared to be ready? Ha, that's a plot twist.

"I know, but it's been three months of us dating and you haven't even made a move." Jared sounds personality hurt.

"I,-um-." Jensen is drawling a blank, he begins to pick at a thread on his bed sheets.

"Do you not find me attractive?" Jared fills in the awkward silence.

 _I don't find anyone attractive_ , Jensen's brain thinks. Not helpful, right now!

"I like you a lot Jared, so don't think I don't."

 _Just tell him you're asexual! Now! Perfect timing!_ Jensen's brain yells at him. It is the perfect time, just tell Jared the truth. Plus it's over the phone so he won't have to see his face when he says it. A coward’s way. Yes just say it Jensen, just-.

"Are you disgusted by my past?" He hears a small voice say over the line. Jensen frowns.

"Jared. There is no way I'm disgusted in you! I wouldn't be dating you if I felt that way." He answers truthfully.

"I always just think that when people hear about how I fucked up my family with my sex addiction that they think I'm disgusting." He's basically whispering into the phone. Obviously full of embarrassment and self-hate.

"Jared, don't say that. That's in your past, now you're better. Now you're amazing and your brother forgave you and your parents forgave you. Now you need to forgive yourself." Jensen argues. There a pause before Jared answers.

"Thank you, I-I needed to hear that. I'm so happy with the progress I made and it's mostly thanks to you." There's an odd silence when Jensen thinks Jared is going to add something but he says nothing.

"Don't think so lowly on yourself. Hey, it's late but why don't you come over? We can cuddle and sleep?" Jensen offers, wanting to be close to a vulnerable Jared. He wants to help his boyfriend. To keep his boyfriend. Yeah he didn't tell Jared yet but the truth will come out when it's time.

"Be over in ten, Jenny."

  
*

"Where did you run off too yesterday?" Danneel asks as he sits herself onto Jensen's desk, he stops working and smiles at her.

"I was on a date." He tells him. Last night was great. Jared and him went out to go get an early dinner and then they went bowling where Jensen totally crushed Jared at.

"Ooo, give me the details and don't leave out the gooey romantic stuff." He laughs at her.

"Well, Jared picked me up-,"

"Wait, Jared? As in sex addict Jared?" She crosses her arms over her chest and stares at Jensen like he's a child being scolded.

"Yeah, we've been going out for almost four months now-,"

"Does he know?" She interrupts. Jensen doesn't comment but his silence says everything. "Does Chris know you're dating?" He nods, almost ashamed and embarrassed for keeping the truth from Jared. He's not exactly lying but he's not saying everything as well. Just withholding some facts. Some _important_ facts. Plus all they've done is kiss and had a few make out session on Jared's couch.

Yeah, he should probably tell him soon.

"Chris knows, don't worry."

"Good, then he's yelled at you and told you how stupid you're being. Just- be careful Jensen and tell him." She hisses before walking away, obviously irritated at Jensen and his decisions.  
  
*

The next night Jensen drives over to Jared's apartment after the sex anonymous meeting is over. He's nervous but ready because he needs to tell Jared. He has high hopes that his sexuality can help Jared heal better and faster. They've gotten so strong and so close- honestly after tonight goes well Jensen is going to tell him he loves him.

"Chris told some story about how he fucked in your bed while you were asleep once, it was so funny but terrible." Jared tells him from where they sit side by side on the couch.

"Yeah, that was very traumatic for me." Jensen chuckles.

"It's nice to see that after Chris has put you through so much shit you too are still best friends. It gives me high hopes about us because well I'm getting better I'm still not perfect and I know that you'll understand when we finally have sex." Jensen's hand freezes mid reach towards his drink on the coffee table. Instead he slowly sinks back into the couch and pulls the speech he prepared this morning to the front of his brain.

"Jared," he looks at the puppy dog smile he's receiving and doesn't dare look away even though he desperately wants too, "we need to talk about," and waves a hand in the air- this is not how his speech goes.

"If it's about sex don't worry, I'm not ready yet. I don't wanna rush things." He smiles as if nothing is wrong. Jensen's speech about how far Jared has come and how proud he is. Then he's going to lead into Jensen's growing up and discovering his sexuality but it all disappears from his mind as he blurts out the truth.

"I'm asexual." He breaths out. Jared just raises an eyebrow of confusion at him.

"You're a plant?" Jared asks slowly as if Jensen is now a child. God he's heard the whole "plant" thing a million times before it doesn't even phase him.

"I don't experience sexual attraction," Jared squints at him, "I don't like sex."

"I don't get it." Jared's face is blank, "you don't need to make something up because you're scared or worried. I've got checked about two weeks ago so once we are both good and ready then we can fuck without worry." Jensen's eyes squeeze shut for a second.

"No Jared, I don't think you understand that asexual is a type of sexuality and that I don't like sex and I don't ever wanna have sex." Jensen explains in a soft voice, ignoring the shake to it as Jared thinks for a full minute before speaking again.

"That's not a thing. You're making things up." Jared speaks slowing and Jensen can see his brain turning.

"I'm not making things up. This is who I am, this is what I like- or lack of like." Jensen's hands are sweating.

"So, no sex." It's not a question.

"No- never." He whispers, ashamed.

"I love sex and- and if you don't than," he licks his lips with a pause," than I don't think this is going to work." He speaks slowly as if choosing the correct words as if he's telling himself and Jensen that they're over.

 _They're over_.

"I'm sorry," that's the first time Jensen has apologized for his sexuality. He wants to take the words out as soon as he speaks. Why should he be sorry? But then again, it is his fault that they're over.

Fuck.

"I think you should leave." Jared tells him and turns towards the TV, ignoring Jensen who is still sitting there. It's horrible. Jared is supposed to yell and scream and call him a freak and a weirdo. He's supposed to fight him, not- not be so broken and disappointed. Jensen doesn't know how to act because for some reason without all the yelling and name calling; this has managed to be the worst fucking break up ever.

Jensen is numb as he drives home. Not yet having fully absorbed the break up but also at the same time fully knew it was coming. All those times he said they would be okay was a lie. Deep down Jensen knew this was the final result. That's why he didn't tell Jared sooner, that's why he took so long; Jensen was terrified to lose Jared, he wanted to enjoy their relationship for as long as he can.

He wishes he hadn't. He wishes he listened to Chris the first time and stayed away. He wishes he didn't ignore all the warning signs and fall in love. Jensen fucked up _again_.

He wants to tell himself that it will be okay that everything will work out but he knows it won't. Jensen needs to stop lying to himself, needs to stop pretending that his past and future isn't full of heartbreak and tears. Maybe he should give it, just stop being asexual and bite his lip every time he has sex. He needs to pretend to like it and to pretend people are sexually attractive and turn him on. This way he might find someone; he might be happy. Or a fake happy and if you fake it long enough it will come true.

Fake it until you make it.

Or he can just give it up. Give up looking for the special someone or someone that will accept and love him. Then it will be just him, Chris and their apartment until he dies. That could be better. That he could do. And that's what he's going to do. He's going to go home and go to his room and cry alone and not tell Chris. He doesn't need the "I told you so" and the "listen to me next time" speeches. He wants the tears and tissues not something to make him feel worse. At least Jensen knows now that he will _never_ be completely happy.

He loved Jared. He loved his tall frame and his dumb jokes. His long hair and hazel eyes that always looked like a puppy was staring at him. He loved the way they connected to fast and how there is so much chemistry with them. Jensen loved- no loves him. And now he needs to get over him.

Maybe he should have told Jared. Maybe he should had said that he loves him. Would that have changed anything? Would he be sitting with Jared holding hands and watching Cars? Maybe. Probably. But that doesn't matter. That's a ‘what if’ situation for the past. Nothing can change it, what's done is done.

Once he's home and does exactly what he said he would do. He goes right to his room and ignores the greeting from Chris as he locks the door and curls into a ball in his bed. The crying is more like sobbing into the pillow.

*

"Wake up." Someone nudges Jensen's ribs. He groans and grips his pillow tighter. He is so not ready to wake up, still in deep sleep. "Jensen." It's Chris, he knows that. How did this fucker get in his room though? No too much thinking. "Jared keeps calling me and it's 2am wake the fuck up." Chris growls and finally Jensen rolls over blinking his eyes open to the dark room, the only source of light from the moon and streetlights seeping in behind his blinds.

"What?" Jensen spits out, grumpy that Chris woke him up so early and grumpy from last night’s events that rush towards him. Jared and him. Him telling Jared. Jared breaking him like he promised he wouldn't.

"Jared called me a million times and I just answered and he's yelling at me for letting you two date." Chris growls as Jensen moves up until his back is against the headboard while Chris towers over him.

"What did you say?" Jensen places his hands in his lap and stares at them while tears start to fill up in his eyes.

"I told him to stop calling me, he hurt my best friend so I no longer wanted to talk to him." Chris sits down beside Jensen.

"You what?" He looks up at Chris, a few tears escaping.

"You're my best friend and he hurt you, I can't let that slide." He smiles but Jensen only tilts his head in confusion.

"Why? Why aren't you yelling at me? Why aren't you saying "I told you so"? You said if I got hurt you wouldn't want to hear about it, what's happening?" He wipes away a few tears. Chris smiles at him and holds up a box of tissues that he seemed to be holding this whole time.

"I said that stuff in hopes that you wouldn't make the mistake of dating Jared. I was just trying to protect you. If you honestly think I'm going to ignore my best friend’s feelings than you're more crazy than I thought." Jensen flashes a watery smile before finding fascination in his hands again. "So spill the story." Chris urges him and Jensen cries softly.

"He was, was so _quiet_ when I told him." Tears move into sobs and Jensen graciously accepts the tissues from Chris. "He didn't yell or call me any names he just asked me to leave. I don't blame him though, I just told him that I wasn't attracted to him- sexuality." He wipes at his nose and eyes all while staring at his hands.

"He still hurt you." Jensen snorts at Chris.

"Of course he did! They always do! Even that guy I knew for thirty minutes in college made me cry! They all fucking do, but Jared-" he takes a deep breath, "-I was going to tell him th-that, that I love him. I didn't, as you can tell" he looks up at the ceiling trying to stop the sobs.

"You know what I'm going to say Jensen, so I'm not even going to say it. Instead, I'm going to tell you that this fucking sucks. It sucks!" Jensen looks at Chris through watery eyes, his friends face full of sadness and anger.

"Yeah,"

"No." Chris stands up, "it fucking hurts me watching every guy hurt you! Every time it breaks your heart a little more and a little more. You're my best friend I don't wanna see you crying because some fucking _cunts_ can't stand the idea of not having their dick sucked! It's bullshit- utter bullshit!" He storms around the room looking for something and Jensen chuckles wetly at him. His sobbing has died down to tears for now.

"I'm happy to see that your sex anonymous is working-."

"Oh! It's fucking working all right!" He shouts, rummaging through Jensen's paper on his desk. "It's going to work because this one chick told us the story about her best friend who's husband cheated on her," he is looking through Jensen's bedside table now, "so her best friend tied him down and cut off his fucking dick," he smiles like the joker as he holds up Jensen's pocket knife.

"What are you doing?" He cautiously looks between Chris' wild eyes and the knife.

"I'm going to start cutting dicks."

_What?!_

"I'm sorry I'm a little drowsy and depressed can you please repeat and explain what is happening?" Jensen doesn't take his wet eyes off of the knife.

"I'm going to go through the list of guys who broke a piece of your heart and I'm going to fucking cut their dicks off; starting with Jared." Chris' eyes are wide.

"Okay," Jensen reaches a hand out and slowly pries the knife from Chris, "I'm the one who just got dumped so let me be the crazy one right now." He chuckles.

"Right! You can cut their dicks off! That way they-."

"No, nope. No dick cutting. I'm going to do my plan which is lay here and cry until I feel better. Then the next 30 guys that try to get with me I'm going to turn down. If number 31 hurts me than I'll turn down 30 more and continue the process." Jensen sighs, shoving the pocketknife under his bed and slouching down until he's lying flat.

"And I'll be here right along the ride with you. And I'll have a knife in case we ever want to do that dick cutting plan." Chris nods at himself and lies down next to Jensen.

"Okay," he breaths out, "I love you Chris, thanks for being my best friend." He closes his eyes and falls into a deep sleep.

*

Jensen honestly couldn't exactly describe what he felt. Well he could cross off anything that was a happy feeling because honestly he felt like shit. He lays in his bed, Chris off at work while Jensen tries to decide if life is even worth it right now. Why should he both if his whole life he will feel this...lonely.

That's it. That's how he feels.

Lonely.

And this is how he's going to feel forever. There is no more hope that there is one person who will live and accept him. No, that hope was ripped apart slowly and slowly by each person who turned Jensen down, who told him that he's a freak, who made him fall for them and then have Jared Fucking Padalecki pull the rug out from under Jensen's feelings. Because that's what it is. Jensen lost hope after hope after hope but when he met Jared his hope grew each day they were in love. And then- poof! Gone goes Jensen's hope. There's not even a crumb of it left.

Jensen is hopeless, sad, heartbroken and lonely. Oh, so lonely.

*

It's two weeks later when Jensen opens his apartment door to Jared motherfucking Padalecki.

"Oh," Jensen gasps, looking Jared up and down as if he's not truly there. He's wearing a simple jeans, shirt and jacket attire. Jensen himself is wearing sweatpants, a hockey t-shirt and his glasses instead of contacts.

"Is Chris here?" Jared asks, looking anywhere but Jensen's face.

"No, he's at work. What are you doing here?" He crosses his arms over his chest.

"Um, nothing. You know what, I gotta go. Just tell Chris I was here, okay? Thanks bye." And his long legs take him one, two, three strides down the hallway before he's rushing through the stair door. Jensen's mouth opened and his heart aching.

\--

"He didn't even look at me," Jensen tells Danneel later that night over the phone. "I know I sound like a girl right now but that kinda hurt me."

"Why was he there again?" She asks, the sizzling from her dinner cooking in the background.

"Said he was looking for Chris but I texted Chris and he said he had no idea why Jared would show up. Apparently, Chris forbids to talk to him as well." This is true. Chris blocked Jared's number (something that Jensen isn't ready for) and then sat as far away from him as possible during their sex anon meetings.

"Hmm," she hums in his ear. Maybe he was there for you but chickened out when he finally saw you." Jensen wishes she was right.

"No, you didn't see his face D. He was so broken that I told him I didn't wanna fuck. If you look that broken you don't just forget and accept it. Trust me, I know." He sighs. Danneel promises him that things will get better but as Jensen hangs up the phone he feels way worse than he's felt before.

*

The next week Jensen gets heartbreaking news from Chris.

"Jared broke his sobriety-" Jensen walks into his room and ignore the rest of the story. Why would Chris even tell him this? Was it because of him that Jared broke? He hopes this didn't ruin his job or-

"Jensen," Chris follows him into his room, "Jared said he broke it because he's in love and the love of his life broke up with him-,"

"He broke up with me!" Jensen shouts, tears rushing down his face.

"I know he did. I'm just telling you that, that maybe Jared still loves you. He's scared and hurt-."

"Are you on his side now!?" Jensen shouts and Chris' eyes go wide.

"Fuck no! I'm telling you what the therapist told Jared during the meeting. He's fucked up because he loved you so don't go thinking that he didn't or that he's living a life full and not struggling. He's suffering like he deserves for being a piece of shit." There's at least three minutes of silence before Jensen responds.

"Why am I suffering then?" He whispers and Chris looks at him with sympathy in his eyes.

"You're suffering because you've been broken too many times." Chris hugs him and Jensen doesn't know if he feels numb or frozen.

*

It's a month later, almost two since Jared and Jensen broke up. Jensen is running late for work when he opens the apartment door to find Jared Padalecki standing on his doorstep with a binder in his shaking large hands.

"Fuck." Jensen breaths out.

"Hey, Jen-sen." he adds quickly. He's somehow taller than Jensen remembers, so inviting and homey. God he missed him.

"What are you doing here?" He asks, his hands starting to sweat from where it grins his briefcase.

"I wanted to talk to you actually," Jensen shakes his head and Jared's face falls.

"I-I," he sneaks past Jared, carefully not to touch him or the binder he's clutching to his chest. It looks so tiny there. How does a 6 foot 4 man look tiny?

"Late for work?" Jared sighs out. Jensen nods quickly, not looking at Jared as he scurried away.

\--

He can't focus at work. His mind is racing from Jared to their break up. He keeps thinking about how insecure and vulnerable Jared looked standing at his doorstep. He was probably going to apologize, say he was sorry. Maybe, possibility, I don't know. Jensen runs a hand through his hair and resists the urge to rip it all out. He'll take Jared back in a second if he wants him too. Is Jared says that they can make it work than they're going to fucking make it work. Jensen wants to be with Jared. He needs Jared. He needs someone who will accept him. And that can be Jared. It has to be Jared. Why else would be be back? Why else would he look scared and hurt on Jensen's doorstep?

Jensen doesn't hesitate before he rushes out of work, having been there for only an hour and a half. He wonders if Jared went home or if he's still at his apartment. Jensen chooses the later option and zooms straight back home.

No one is there when he arrives home. What did he expect? Leaving work early to find Jared crying on his doorstep and asking Jensen to get back together. No. Because that's no how life works. Not for Jensen at least. Sighing Ackles walks into his apartment, trying to not cry as he makes his way to his room. His eyes are at the ground as he begins to strip off his jacket.

"This isn't in any of the research I found." A voice says. Jensen rears back and nearly trips over a messy piles of socks.

"Jared!" He shouts at the large man who is sitting on his bed and holding that same purple binder but this time it's opened. Jensen tries to sneak a glance at what it says but Jared turns the pages back to the front.

"Hey, Jen." He says, not bothering with the - _sen_ part of his name. Jensen could care less.

"Jared." He breaths out, his body frozen with fear of what's to come yet it's vibrating with excitement. Jared nods his head and stands up, towering over Jensen. He holds up the binder and clears his throat. Jared begins to read from the binder, focusing hard into what's written in front of him.

"Jensen, this is my apology," Jensen's heart beat quickens, "it took me forever to write this to satisfaction. After trying each time to tell you how you make me feel I never could seem to get it right. So, I stand here today asking for forgiveness for my many fuck ups. I'm sorry that we broke up, I'm sorry that I slept with someone, I'm sorry I told you that asexuality wasn't real. But we will get to that later. Sleeping with someone is usually what would help me get over my heartbreak but it was then that I realized I was in love." Jared licks his lips. Wait- did he just say he was in love with Jensen.

"Did you just say you love me?" Jensen interrupts. Jared looks up through his eyelashes before looking back at the binder.

"Yeah," he bites his lip, "if you just let me finish-."

"You don't have to finish you said you love me and now I can tell you that I love you too." Jensen smiles and takes a step forward.

"You do." Jared whispers.

"Of course. You're p-." Jared puts a hand up to cut Jensen off and then he flips a couple pages forward and begins to read again.

"Asexuality is real," his eyes flicker up to Jensen's shocked yet smiling face, "it's real and I was scared. I know you don't feel sexual attraction and while I understand that you need to know that I feel it. I was and still am scared that I would go too far and hurt you. I don't wanna overstep all these boundaries that you probably have invisibly drawn. I apologize if I already overstepped these boundaries, I should be more aware of what you want and like from me. Again I'm sorry but I'm happy to learn about your sexually." He finishes and then turns to the next page and flips the binder around for Jensen to see.

"Oh my god." He is smiling, tears welling up in his eyes. Jared has googled asexuality and printed out everything on it. He flips the page. The flag sits sideways on one page, it's beautiful. Jared's beautiful. He flips the binder back to himself and shuts it. He smiles softly at Jensen who is crying slightly with love. Jared reaches up to wipe away the tears.

"I went to this asexuality chat room and I talked to a bunch of people about how to love someone who is asexual. While no one on there had sex addiction they said that if you love someone enough you'll realize that sex isn't what you need because what you need is just to be next to them." Jensen places his hands atop of Jared's hand where it rests on Jensen's cheek. "I want to be next you Jensen," he closes his eyes, more tears come rushing but Jared just continues.

"I also came to notice that little times you made me realize we didn't need sex. That one time we were bored and instead of letting me suck the whip cream off your belly like I asked you started a whip cream war with me. And then that one time I pointed out how my grandparents still fuck and you just told me that the happiest couples don't need sex-" he coughs with wet eyes. "You made me open my eyes to a sex free life and I never noticed. Now I see and I want that, with you."

"I'm broken." He cries, "I'm been so broken from everyone who has turned me down and hurt me. Yet here you are one of those ones," hurt flashes through Jared's eyes. They're standing close, the tips of their toes touching and Jensen's hand gripping Jared's pointer finger, his thumb bushing away the falling tears. "And none of them - _no one_ , has ever cared this much for me to Google and create a whole binder-." He sobs, forgetting how to express his thoughts. "I love you Jared, I love you so much."

"You do?"

"So much." He chokes out. There's movement and somehow Jensen and Jared are sitting side by side on the bed, their foreheads pressed together. The binder is on one of the pillows where Jared flung it before he gripped Jensen's hand tightly.

"We have to talk still." Jared says Jensen blinks away the still coming tears, "I like sex- a lot."

"I know." Jensen looks down at their hands.

"But- thanks to sex anonymous I found out that I don't need it. It used to be something to do to past the time or get my mind of things. When I had sex when we broke up it was useless. It did nothing, all it did was make me miss you more. I missed sitting next to you and holding your hand. I just wanted to be with you." He's whispers, shame very present in his voice.

"You want to be with me? You want to date again?" Jensen breaths out.

"I want that- this so bad." His hazel eyes stare hopefully into Jensen's.

"If we get back together, I won't ever have sex with you. Will you be able to handle that?"

There's a moment of silence. Jensen shivers.

"Can I still jack off?" Jared smirks and Jensen just rolls his eyes before connecting their lips for a quick kiss. It's blissful and familiar. Jensen is so glad that he found Jared.

"Are you 100% sure Jared, I need to know that you won't leave me because I'm not going to put out." He whispers near Jared's mouth.

"I, Jared Padalecki, am 100% sure that I won't leave you."

Their lips meet again.

*

It's a bit rocky in their new beginning. Jared is always hesitant to touch Jensen in anyway; afraid he'll fuck it up. Jensen hasn't had anyone been so respectful about it. He contently tells Jared that it's okay.

There's a few times where they argue. Jared wakes up with a boner and once he asked Jensen for a hand. They didn't see or talk to each other for a week. Jared came back with an apology and now whenever it happens he just excuses himself to the bathroom.

It's been a good amount of time back together whenever Jensen meets Jared's parents. His mother hugs Jensen for a good ten minutes, crying into his shoulder and thanking him for saving her baby boy. Jensen says that Jared saved him too. That night Jared holds Jensen so close and thanks him as well. Only a few tears slip of out each man's eyes.

They're about four months back together and Chris finally starts talking to Jared again. He was skeptical when they got back together but he told Jensen that he was always prepared for the dick cutting if need be. Jensen just rolled his eyes and thank god for the best friend ever.

There's still a few rocky moments, like every relationship. They don't fight about sex anymore which is a relief on them both. Jared even admitted to Jensen late one night that he kinda hates sex now. Hates what it stands for him, his pasted, and his big fuck up, his failures. Now he's a new man, a clean one and a free one. He thanked Jensen a million times.

One day, for Jensen's birthday, Jared bought him a large asexuality flag that hangs on his closet door. Jensen never cried so many happy tears before. He loves Jared. So much.

And Jared loves Jensen. So much.

*

"I think I'm going to die." Jared sighs as he flops down on the bed next to Jensen who is reading a book.

"Why?" He doesn't look up from the book, used to Jared melodramatic antics.

"Janet fucked up her numbers again and when I told her about it she held up a knife to me in the break room." He rolls over, pressing his face into Jensen's ribs and fake crying into them.

"You're 6"4 and she's 5"3 I'm a million percent sure you can take her." Jensen keeps reading but begins to card his hand through Jared's long locks.

"Can I? She's new so she might have been to jail!" He mumbles into Jensen's side.

"Jared, you've been to jail." He deadpans and Jared just rolls over onto his back. He stares at the ceiling. He used to have a mirror up there -wow that was a million years ago. Before he feel in love and went to sex addiction classes. Before Jensen moved in and made his life worth meaning.

"She won't kill you because if she does than I'll murder her whole family." Jensen finally puts down the book and kisses Jared's forehead before sliding out of bed.

"Aw, I've never had a fiancé that would murder for me." Jared rolls over onto his side and winks at Jensen's left hand. A sliver engagement ring lies there, heavy with love yet light with weight. It happened about a week ago when Jensen and Jared were arguing over what movie to watch for the millionth time. Finally, they settled on Jensen's favorite but Jared told him that he had to put it in the DVD player. But when Jensen opened the case instead of Jurassic Park there was a silver ring. Inside the ring though there was a carving that said _I will never leave you_. Jared barely got the "will you-" before Jensen's tackled him to the ground with happiness.

"Get ready, we are meeting Chris at the bar. He wants to see the ring so bad, he won't stop texting me about it." Jensen chuckles and absentmindedly twists it while he slips on his shoes.

"He's just jealous that I'm marrying you and not him." Jared says, still lying flat on the bed.

"No way, Chris would marry me before he married you. I'm his best friend and it's best friends before just friends." Jensen smirks and his fiancé just glared at him.

"We will ask him tonight because you're wrong and I'm right." Jared huffs out, jumping up from the bed and strutting out of the room. "Meet you in the car, Jenny!" He shouts, and dodges the shoe that Jensen's throws at him.

God, Jensen loves that man.

And if there is one thing that Jensen and Jared both learned from each other is that nothing is perfect. Love is love. It's hard and full of tears, happy and sad, but it's so worth it in the end when you wake up next to someone who's just smiling at you because you're you. When you find that someone never let them go- hold tight and accept the journey that's about to come.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> How was it? Tell me what you thought using comments, kudos or any other way below! 
> 
> My info:  
> Twitter: sweetkissesdean  
> -my curious cat is also linked on there if you wann talk anonymous lol 
> 
> Tumblr: thestartofthebeginning
> 
> Again! Thanks for reading. I hope you understand asexuality more if you didn't already. It's a big part of my life so please be respectful when commenting about it.


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